There is always another way

I think anyone who works in this field has at some point in time faced a difficult life event, mental health challenge or has simply suffered. My personal story is too long for this medium but suffice to say that I have hugely benefitted from "the gift of therapy". It has benefitted me personally, professionally and in ways that I had never imagined. 

If you are in need of support, I urge you seek it out. It's important to say that it isn't always a major acute stressor or life event that impacts us but perhaps a chronic kind of wear and tear. Maybe you just feel a little off or suffer an unrelenting fatigue. Perhaps you can not even put words on what it is that's happening to you. Regardless of the circumstances, there is help available and you are most certainly not alone.

For some, seeking counselling or psychotherapy may be cost-prohibitive or might even be frightening. It is also very confusing when choosing resources or supports online. I have put three simple suggestions here to help anyone who wants to help themselves today. I regularly update this so check back if you are looking for more ideas.

 

Where do I go from here?

Bibliotherapy, somatic intervention and cognitive intervening

Books

This book was written by a man who with his wife literally built a spiritual refuge on a cliff in West Cork. I have just come back this refuge  called Dzogchenbeara in West Cork. Having seen the documentary about this place on the RTE player, I immediately found myself booking in. It's a truly amazing place and the story behind it is incredible. 

This book helps the reader to acknowledge the past and the parts of self that have been alienated. We have learned in childhood to disown parts of ourselves. This can create problems for us internally and interpersonally later on in life. It can cause us to get stuck and reject ourselves and others. These deeply held hurts or beliefs are frozen in time and need to be updated and healed if we are to live a richer and more authentic life. 

A fascinating and freeing read. If you find yourself feeling  unnecessarily guilty when not "productive", this is a "must read".

 

Somatic Intervention

Movement is very helpful but needless to say when we do not feel well we often do not have much energy so it is important to pace yourself and choose wisely.

  • This video has been a daily anchor for me  at various times. I have written to her to thank her for it as it has been so helpful. I found it to be uplifting but calming. It's short, easy and so compassionate.

  • Mindful movement is about slowing down and feeling into every part of ourselves. This can be mindful sitting, doing dishes or walking.... the only thing you need to do is experience it.

 

  •  Go into a space where you can be alone and have privacy. What does your body need today. Do you need to lie down, sit down, stretch? If your body could speak to you, what would it say. Where in your body needs attention most.

Choose from one of the following positions:

Ragdoll-bend at the hips and hang your body and head like a ragdoll.

or

Lie down on your back and take up as much room as you possible can or need.

or 

Choose some position you know yourself that helps you, the fetal position, child's pose......

Only when you are ready should you leave this position and space. 

Cognitive Intervening

  • Consumption

What are you consuming psychologically? With everything you do this week check if it is enhancing your life or  not. What are you doing, reading, listening to and who are you talking to? This is not to say that that we ought not recognise the suffering in the world or the ills of society but just recognising what you feel and what energy you are left with is powerful. Is it making you numb and hopeless or charging you up angrily? There are people needed in the world right now who are not hopeless or despairing. You may not be able to do something directly to help those suffering across the globe but maybe you can do something kind for someone genuinely in need closer by. When a butterfly flaps its wings........... 

 

  • Checking and changing gears

Checking in with how you really feel about an activity or time with a person/people or time alone is really important. At first it can be quit clunky, like learning to changing gears according to the speed. With practice, it becomes automatic. You register that you have had enough .........for now and need.....and you change gear automatically. You don't worry how you meeting you needs will be interpreted by others because you know that you would wish them to do the same for themselves.

  • The magic stone

When I was a child I loved the book “The magic stone”. It is about a travelling man looking for free lodgings. In return he claimed to be able to make the most wonderfully tasty soup with just a magic stone and water.

He tricks his landlady (having added the stone to water) by repeatedly tasting the soup and saying “it’s lovely but if we had a little……..it would be just perfect”. By the end of the story the lady has, unbeknownst to herself,  bit by bit, given all the ingredients from her own larder and garden to make the perfect soup. She is delighted when he gifts her the magic stone on his departure but then begins to reflect......

As a child I giggled because  he had made her share unwillingly. Now I see it differently. The landlady had all the ingredients all along to make that beautiful soup but she never made it by herself for herself. She believed it was the stone that made the soup despite having all that was needed all along. The man could be seen as a con-artist or maybe just a guide who helped a lonely lady get access to her own resources through sharing. 

By the very end of the story the lady realises the error and  threw the stone after the man as he set off on his merry way, well slept and well fed. I wonder now if the lady ever made the soup for herself again or made it and shared it with neighbours and friends.

Humans sometimes struggle to find their way to making their own wholesome soup despite having everything we need. We tend to outsource the cause and solution to our problems. We search endlessly for the perfect magic stone but in reality, we don’t actually need the stone. If we take our time and look around and look inward we may have everything we need.

Ripple effect

You will find many "experts"  in the area of wellbeing at the moment. There is a lot of noise and chatter out there. Those who sell absolutes, the panacea or the cure always raise my suspicions.

My hunch is that as yet no one person has found the key, cause or solution to psychological suffering.  Human beings are exquisitely different and complex. New discoveries are made every day and it can be hard to keep up and know who to trust.

With all that I have learned and experienced in this line of work and in my own life, I know one thing to be true.  No one supplement, exercise, treatment or therapy suits all people.

Each human has lived and experienced a life that no other will ever truly know and understand. You are the only one in every frame of your own life.  What went before impacts what is to come.

For me counselling and psychotherapy is about two minds meeting as best they can and moving on from there. Allowing clients to be, allows them to trust themselves, grow and change and then maybe they will go on to experience the world differently, more fully and more safely.

Nobody changes in isolation. When you take time to yourself and for yourself, you change and the people around you change also.

What you read, see, do and hear every day impacts how you are in the world for better or worse. When you take time to be discerning about what you read, watch or listen to you may benefit and those around you may too. This ripple effect can stretch very far indeed.